I have found myself day dreaming about the life I used to live before all the madness, thinking back to a time when I lived a care free, sin filled life. Not to say I don't sin now but you get what I mean.
I am ashamed to say I find myself longing for my previous life sometimes. I know the bible tells us not to look back and to look forward, Philippians 3:12-14 reads:
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Also Jesus Christ himself says in Luke 9:62:
62 But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”
I am being tested, to see how strong my faith is. It is hard because I am not part of any local church and the only other Christian I know is at my job. I know the Lord has got me this far and I must trust in him to see me through to the end.
On Tuesday I went to see my psychiatrist and I told him I was having problems sleeping when I am due in work. He proceeded to prescribe me some more drugs, sleeping tablets this time. I will give them a go, although I know that if I was just left alone I would be able to sleep just fine. We also spoke about me claiming benefits, he seems to think that I can claim something while I am still working. I don't want to go down that road but if I have to quit my job because of this then I will need to get some money from somewhere. Hopefully I will continue to work.